I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
