I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
