i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
