i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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