Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
