i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
