I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
