so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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