He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
