My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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