Too much gin, very little bucket
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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