Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dick very happy bro
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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