so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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