YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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