Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish I only lived at night.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
