I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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