Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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