How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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