Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My pussy is not your playground.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
