I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Congratulations! We have a period
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