you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Damn victory sex feels great
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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