the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
