dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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