im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You made out with two different species that night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize