you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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