All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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