Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
