Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
