Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Come on in and take your pants off
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