You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
