it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
