I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
