My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
