the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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