Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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