the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
