i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Come back. Shots need mouths.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
