Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
