I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Shitshow foam night was such a success
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
