The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize