people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
