she was so not down for the gang bang
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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