i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
