$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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