You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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