she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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