I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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