Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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