Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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