just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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