apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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