dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
