My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
