dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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