He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
