I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
