I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
