It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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