she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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