I got chris browned last night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
