god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
